Destined
by thekerosenesecret
Summary: "I figured out why it didn't feel right to leave. I figured it out, and I know you already knew. And I don't know why you didn't tell me."


He'd actually left. Jess didn't think that he'd actually leave. But he did, and when the door shut behind him, she swore the sound was actually the sound of her heart shattering.

She wanted to forget him, wanted to go on dates with hot guys and have rebound sex, but this wasn't like her breakup with Spencer or Sam. This was her one (and if she's being honest, her _only_ ) true love ever, and she had lost him. With Spencer, she was able to cope with the hurt by replacing it with anger, and unleashing her wrath on him (and the potted plants). And with Sam, the breakup was always Nick-related, and she couldn't get mad that he was right. That it was always Nick, with his old man clothes and turtle face, who she came back to. She couldn't get over the feeling of how right they were together, and worst of all, she couldn't look past the fact that it wasn't going to happen again.

Until, 1 week later, there's a knock at the door, and she's greeted with a Nick who looks rather flustered and slightly agitated.

"Can I come in?"

"Nick! Why are you here?" she asked, trying to hide how happy she was to see him.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, gruff but yet genuinely worried that she didn't want him there.

She wanted to tell him to never leave again, but settled for a bright smile and an "Absolutely not. I'm very glad to see you."

And so he came in, put his bags by door, and settled on the couch, legs bouncing like they did when he was nervous.

Jess stood there for a few minutes, just absorbing the feeling of his return, relishing in how her heart seemed to beat again, and how the world seemed to have a bit more color. She laughed, at how juvenile she was being, and decided that if anything, Nick could use a beer.

They settled down on the couch, and she wished they could just turn on the TV and watch a movie and pretend that everything was normal. But there was the elephant in the room. The large elephant who's every trumpet reminded them that he wasn't supposed to be back for 3 months, and here he was after a week.

So instead, she turned to Nick.

"Hey," she said, and Nick turned to look at her, "what's going on?"

"I figured it out. I figured out what was going on. And I'm mad. And I'm scared," he said.

Because this is the story that Jess doesn't know. The story of how Nick sat in the hotel room the whole day when Reagan was working, and tried to figure out why Jess had yelled at him to tell him he's incredible. Her voice,-the pleading, the desperation, the disappointment and the hurt- was etched in his memory, and he couldn't figure out why it was bothering him so much. The story of how he couldn't get over how torn up she looked when he left, of how he could hear her crying when the door shut, but chalked it up to random noises and left to live his dream life with his Reagan. The story of how, when he finally figured it out, the guilt lead him straight to the airport and straight back home.

"I'm confused." That was all Jess had to say, because in all honesty, that was all she was feeling.

"I figured out why it didn't feel right to leave. I figured it out, and I know you already knew. And I don't know why you didn't tell me."

"Nick," she said, a nervous laugh escaping, "what are you talking about?"

"I'm still in love with you. I've fallen too hard for your quirky pajamas and weird jokes, and I can't get the sound of your laugh out of my head and sometimes I wonder why we even broke up. We were so good together, Jess. You made me so happy, and I think I made you happy and we were so in love that I guess it became such a part of me that it never actually went away. I wasn't okay when we broke up 2 years ago, I'm not okay now and I think I was only okay when I was with you.

"Sometimes when I've had a shit day and I come home, all I want is to curl up and cry about what a failure I feel like. But then, I'll see you sitting on the couch, watching TV in your heart-covered pajamas, drinking wine and you'll turn to look at me and say "Hey Nick", in the way that makes me feel all swirly inside, and you'll immediately know something is wrong. Your face goes all sad and your eyebrows scrunch up in concern and honestly all I want to do is put my head in your lap and tell you how shitty my day was while you stroke my hair and pretend like its 2 years ago but I can't. So I just go to my room and try to figure out what to do with myself.

"You've ruined me, Jess. I'm ruined because of you and I want to fix it. And the only way I know how is to find out whether you still love me too."

And the only thing left for her to do was to kiss him like her life depended on it. And honestly, in these past few weeks, it really felt like it had.


End file.
